


Tiny Dick Verse

by fictionalaspect, sunsetmog



Category: Bandom, Panic At The Disco
Genre: Angst and Humor, BDSM, Best Friends, Canon Compliant, Clothing Kink, Crossdressing, Feminization, Humiliation, Humor, Lipgloss, M/M, Notfic, Sex Toys, Spanking, Vibrator, Watersports, pretty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-26
Updated: 2012-01-26
Packaged: 2017-10-30 04:01:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/327514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fictionalaspect/pseuds/fictionalaspect, https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunsetmog/pseuds/sunsetmog
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"They can't hear me," Brendon says, barely whispering. His lips brush the shell of Spencer's ear. "I promise. They can't hear me telling you about how I want to see you fuck yourself with that tiny little thing. Is that why you bought it? Because it's so little?" </p>
<p>"I—," Spencer whispers, his cheeks flaming. He cuts off. Seriously, he can't do this. Fuck, he's so hard.</p>
<p>"It feels so good, doesn't it," Brendon says softly. "You can just slide it right in, can't you? That tiny little thing. Especially if you've been wearing your plug all day. I think what's what we should do when we go home, don't you? I can bend you over the couch and pull the plug out and slide that little vibrator in."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tiny Dick Verse

**Author's Note:**

> So sometimes we write long stories with actual plot and emotions and things, and sometimes we get bored and start trolling the internet looking for exciting tumblr porn (spoiler: this happens a lot) and sometimes both of these things collide and we start writing long complicated crack-tastic stories via email about Brendon's tiny dick and Spencer having a kink for Brendon's tiny dick that somehow detours through humiliation kink and crossdressing and pink vibrators and watersports and ends up with Spencer on his knees covered in come and begging for it. AS YOU DO.
> 
> Anyway, a couple of people have said they would be interested in reading this, and as it's at least half actual fic we decided to post it. Also, we feel that as much as size queen kink is amazing and super hot (who doesn't like someone being stuffed full of dicks! No one. No one, that's who), it seems to be less common to think about all the ways that smaller-than-average dicks can be pretty sexy, too. And if you want to click [here](http://twotinydragons.livejournal.com/3639.html), there's a picspam of helpful images! :D!
> 
> Seriously though: Warnings for lots of spelling and grammar mistakes, missing capitalization, no reliable verb tense, plot, or POV, random topic shifts, and...us.

I don't think Brendon the escort has a tiny penis, I suspect he has a perfectly normal sized penis, but I do think that actual Brendon in lots of other verses has a tiny penis and we should talk about it at length. I just want all the fic where Brendon's kind of embarrassed about it and then Spencer tells him he loves it a lot. Maybe they're not dating and Spencer finds it kind of weirdly hot and it's this whole big THING that he doesn't even know how to explain.

—

OH GOSH. NOT DATING AND SPENCER BEING WEIRDLY TURNED ON BY IMAGINING BRENDON'S TINY PENIS.

—

THAT IS KIND OF WEIRD, ISN'T IT. I WROTE THAT AND THEN WAS LIKE "....SELF THAT IS WEIRD."

—

It ISN'T weird, though, because it's totally hot. Spencer can keep trying to get a look at it, because he is kind of obsessed by Brendon's tiny dick and what it would feel like to have Brendon fuck him with it, or whatever.

—

Oh god, yes. Because Spencer grew up with Ryan, and so it's not like he ended up staring at a lot of dicks on a regular basis but mostly he was just faced with Ryan's gigantic dick and it always seemed sort of weird to him and maybe he even kind of decided early on that he's really straight because he looks at Ryan and he's like "...wow, no." And then he meets Brendon and they have the band and whatever, they're on tour except for Brendon is like - very comfortable with being almost-naked, but never actually naked, and Spencer doesn't really get it until he catches a glimpse of Brendon in the shower and it's kind of, um, on the small side? And so he figures Brendon is just embarrassed, which is kind of dumb, but then he starts getting this weird obsession where he can't stop thinking about it, and it's making him like, reorient his entire idea of dicks in general because all of sudden he's kind of really interested in Brendon's dick and he doesn't know why.

—

RYAN'S DICK TURNS GAY MEN STRAIGHT OMG.

—

No, really. It's just that Brendon has a _little dick_ , and everything's kind of compact, and Spencer keeps thinking about what having sex with someone with a small dick would be like, and what going down on a small dick would be like, and that's kind of _hot_. He even - in a fit of stoned enthusiasm - googles "tiny cocks" and takes safe search off the images and spends a while looking at pictures of guys with little dicks and seriously, they're kind of hot. Not in a Brendon with accompanying little dick kind of hot way, but in a, yes, this is definitely sexy and this is definitely screwing with his world view kind of way.

—

Yyyy _exactly._ And maybe that was part of his problem with gay porn, even, that everyone always had this huge gigantic dicks and it just was not hot to him at _all_ , like not even really a little bit, except now that he's looking at the images of these guys it's really hot and Spencer doesn't really know what to do with that information. Well, besides jerking off, because that part's obvious. He gets himself off thinking about how Brendon's dick would feel in his mouth and how easy it would be to deep-throat him and how it would fit just right in his hand and not even peek out of his fist and then he gets come all over himself and he's not any closer to figuring out what is going on in his brain.

—

OH GOD, THAT IS REALLY HOT. UNF. The part about the peeking especially. *__________*

—

[And then we wrote some of it, for no real reason other than likes writing physical comedy and she was bored. At this point we thought that theoretically it might turn into a real fic one day.]

Spencer wakes up to the sound of maracas crashing to the floor somewhere very close to his bunk.

He squints his eyes open, groaning as someone presumably kicks the maracas across the floor, judging by the weird shaking noise that ends in a wooden-sounding thump.

"Fuck," Spencer grumbles, closing his eyes and hoping he can go back to sleep, hoping that Zack isn't about to tear his bunk curtain open and announce to Spencer that he has thirty minutes to get his ass up and dressed and moving. Everything is silent for a moment, and there are a series of thumps, like someone is tossing shit onto the bus floor and seriously, it better be like one in the afternoon and not nine-thirty in the morning or Spencer is going to kill whoever is responsible for waking him up.

"Shut the fuck up," Spencer growls, tugging his bus curtain open to find the cause of the noise. The early-morning light peeking out from around the edges of the thick bus curtains informs him that it is, in fact, too early to be alive, but mostly what's occupying him is the fact that Brendon's junk is like, directly in his face.

"Brendon," Spencer growls. "What the fuck."

"I can't find my iPod," Brendon stage whispers. There's another clatter from above Spencer's head, in the bunk that they use for storing all of their random shit. Like Spencer's awesome maracas, which are probably broken now, _thanks_ Brendon.

"It's ass-o-clock in the morning and your dick is in my face," Spencer says. Brendon's standing up next to Spencer's bunk, up on his tip-toes as he rustles around inside bags and knocks things over and generally makes a loud, annoying nuisance of himself. "What's wrong with this picture?"

"Calm down asshole, I'm wearing underwear," Brendon mutters. And he is, he's wearing briefs and a t-shirt, but Brendon's briefs aren't exactly subtle on the best of days and for this week he's chosen an eye-searing palette of hot-pinks and neon greens and bright yellows.

"You woke me up, I'm allowed to be pissed," Spencer says. "Seriously, can't you just climb up there and look? Your dick is in my _face_."

"Your life is hard," Brendon agrees. He's still banging away up there, and Spencer growls again, slapping at Brendon's stomach with an open palm, trying to get him to move. It doesn't go quite as he'd planned, because as Brendon's yelping and jerking away Spencer's fingers catch on the top seam of Brendon's briefs, and then the opening, and all of a sudden Brendon's actual dick is hanging out of his underwear and it's like an inch from Spencer's nose.

"What the— _motherfucker_ —Spence—" Brendon hisses, and then he looks down, his face crumpling up with something that looks a hell of a lot like violently repressed hysterical laughter. Spencer can't do anything other than stare. Brendon's dick is in his _face_ , half-hard, bobbing right next to Spencer's nose.

"Oh god," Spencer says weakly, and then Brendon loses it, bursting into helpless unvoiced snickers, his whole body shaking as he tries not to wake up everyone on the bus.

"Did you just pull my fucking dick out?" Brendon gasps, his voice cracking on the consonants as he tries to breathe. "Oh my fucking god, you should see your _face_."

"Fuck," Spencer says. He knows his face must be a mask of horror. He can't look away. He's just stuck there staring at Brendon's dick, unable to move, until Brendon starts to curl in on himself with the force of his laughter, and then something touches Spencer's _nose_ , and that something is Brendon's dick, and Spencer jerks away, scurrying towards the back of his bunk.

"You just," Spencer says helplessly. "You just. My _face._ " Oh god. What if Brendon's dick juice is _on his face?_ Spencer scrubs at his nose with increasing horror.

"That'll teach you to try and complain about shit in the mornings," Brendon says, still wheezing with laughter, tucking himself away.

"That wasn't supposed to happen," Spencer says weakly.

"Yeah, duh," Brendon says. "Fuck, I still can't find my goddamn iPod. Where the fuck is it?"

"Take mine," Spencer says, reaching under his pillow. "Here. Just. Go away for a little while, okay?"

"I totally just scarred you for life, didn't I," Brendon says, looking pleased with himself as he takes Spencer's iPod out of Spencer's hand. "And the best part is, you brought it on yourself."

"Shut up," Spencer says. "Go away now, okay. Go away and take your dick with you."

"That's usually how these things work," Brendon says dryly, but he pulls Spencer's curtain back into place, his footsteps pattering down the tiny bus hallway. There's the sound of the door to the back lounge closing, and then everything is completely silent again, Dallon and Ian still fast asleep.

"Jesus Christ," Spencer says to himself, rubbing at his nose again. He shakes his head, rolls his shoulders out, and then he lays back down, pressing his face into his pillow. His face feels like it's burning up. He must have been blushing so bad, oh god. He totally just tore Brendon's dick out of his boxers and he didn't even mean to and now his stomach feels all weird and he's blushing and he's—

Spencer blinks.

—Hard?

He presses his hips down slightly, testing, and fuck, he's totally hard. Spencer doesn't even know when he got hard, what the fuck. There is no reason he should have gotten hard over that, even if Brendon does a have a tiny perfect little dick. Spencer doesn't _like_ dick. He's tried it and it doesn't do much for him and there is no reason for this sudden raging erection except for how maybe Brendon's dick was right there, in front his face, and it was sort of—

—small.

Spencer bites his lip, because that's weird, right? His dick totally shouldn't have jerked when that thought passed through his brain, but there it is again, that weird sudden surge of heat when he closes his eyes and thinks about Brendon's dick was like—okay, he was only half-hard, but Spencer's pretty sure that no one can be _that_ much of a grower. And it's not like it's a secret that Brendon's less than well endowed, but Brendon's never really seemed to care, and now that Spencer's seen it, it really does sort of just—fit Brendon. Proportionally. It was just this pretty little flushed thing and Spencer could probably deep-throat him without even trying and shit, Spencer is _really hard_. He needs to jerk off.

Except he needs to not jerk off thinking about Brendon's little dick, what the fuck. Who does that? Who jerks off thinking about their bandmates' less-than-well-endowed dicks? Except the more Spencer thinks about it the more desperate he's getting, because it was _hot,_ it was so hot, and Brendon's dick doesn't look anything like the dicks he's seen in porn, or Ryan's, which compromises the sum total of his dick experience. And all of those had been total, one-hundred-percent turn-offs, but now here he is, shoving his hand down into his boxers because Brendon's dick is tiny and perfect and like, _manageable_ , and oh god, what if he jerked Brendon off? He could totally fit all of Brendon's dick in his hand, and only the shiny little head would peek out the top, and if he closed his fist he wouldn't even be able to _see_ it.

Spencer bites his lip and jerks himself harder. He closes his eyes and presses his burning face into the pillow and thinks about how Brendon's dick was _right there,_ and he could have tasted it, and he could have fit it all into his mouth and sucked him down and his jaw wouldn't ache at _all_ and then he's gasping out and biting his pillow to muffle his grunts as he comes hot and sticky all over his stomach and his boxers and his sheets.

"Damn it," Spencer mumbles to himself, once his breathing has settled. Now he has to change his fucking sheets. And do laundry. Spencer hates laundry. Maybe he can get Zack to do it for him.

And maybe he can resolve to never, ever, _ever_ think about what he just did ever again.

—

It isn't like Spencer hasn't ever considered the possibility that he might like dick. He is, essentially, the definition of gay above the waist, and he has been ever since he was fourteen years old and he had a dream where he made out with Robert Mackintosh from his English class and he woke up with a wet, slightly sticky patch on the front of his sleep pants. He'd considered the possibility that he might be gay right up until the point where he'd walked in on Ryan getting changed one night, and seen Ryan's stupid monster cock and something in his brain had said _no, no, no_. Ryan's dick did precisely nothing for him, and not just because it had Ryan attached, which would be a lot like making out with his brother, and _urgh_. But anyway, the fact is that even though Spencer doesn't check the bisexual box on any form that asks him to categorize his sexuality, it's only because there isn't a box that says, "thinks guys are hot but doesn't want to go down on them if their dicks are anything like Ryan's".

Except it's been eight days since Spencer accidentally made contact with Brendon's dick, and at a conservative estimate, Spencer's thought about it at least once every ten minutes ever since. He wakes up in the middle of the night and all he can think about is Brendon's tiny, perfect dick, and the way it would feel in Spencer's palm, and how if he wrapped his fingers around him and jerked him off, his dick would barely peek out of Spencer's fist. He finds his mind wandering when they're in interviews and he really tries to pay attention, he does, but it's a lot like his sex brain has taken over his normal brain and all he can think about is dick, and getting hard, and what it would be like to come over Brendon's dick.

Spencer's jerked off so much he thinks it's fairly unlikely he has any come left. He's certainly losing brain function; who has a sexual identity crisis at Spencer's age, anyway? Who has a crisis over someone's _tiny dick_ , and seriously, Spencer has _no idea_ why he can't stop thinking about Brendon, and the way his dick was just there, right in Spencer's face. Spencer likes girls. He likes going down on girls, and he likes kissing girls, and he likes touching girls' boobs, and he likes thinking about kissing boys, but that is the extent of his experience with guys. Whenever he considers the possibility of getting up close and personal with a dick of the kind he sees in porn, he just—he's not into it. He's really not into it. He's never been into it.

It makes this whole thing just that extra level of fucked-up, because not only is he now obsessed with dick, he's now obsessed with Brendon's dick, and kind of Brendon too, and fuck, Spencer is screwed. He can't stop thinking about dick. He keeps checking other guys' dicks out, which is weird, since mostly he's doing this thing where he looks at Brendon's crotch, and sees how little an outline Brendon's dick makes in his jeans, and then he looks at other guys' dicks and if they're any bigger than Brendon's he just—moves on. His attention shifts, because Spencer's brain is obsessed with Brendon's little dick, and Spencer genuinely thinks he might be going crazy. Like, for real.

Which kind of explains why he ends up sneaking into the lounge at four in the morning with his laptop and the wireless password, and why he opens up google and types in "tiny cocks" and takes off safe-search. It's a bit like he's googling it for science, to see if it is some weird short circuit in his head that flipped a switch when Brendon's dick hit him in the nose, or to see if it's a sexual identity crisis come five years too late.

It takes him less than a minute to shove his hand down his pants and come so hard he can barely see straight afterwards.

"So," he says, shutting the lid of his laptop and staring dazedly at a pile of Brendon's dirty laundry, "weird. Fuck."

—

So his world view gets flipped upside down and inside out, and then, all of a sudden, Spencer's kind of a porn addict, watching a million homemade porn movies of guys with little dicks jerking off in front of their laptops whenever he can be sure someone isn't going to walk in and find him jacking off to guys with small dicks.

The problem with this is not just that Spencer has to adjust his entire world view to accommodate the fact that he's not just bisexual above the waist, but below the waist too (for some value that involves correlating dick size on a graph and getting off on the ones that come up short), but the fact is that even with all this jerking off that Spencer's doing, he still can't stop thinking about Brendon's dick. He can't stop thinking about Brendon's dick, and how it isn't like, stupidly tiny or anything, but just _small_. Perfect sized, Spencer thinks. Perfect to fit just into the palm of his hand, and easy to hide the tip in his fist so that if Spencer jerked him off, nobody would be able to see Brendon's dick peeking out from Spencer's fingers, and oh fuck, Spencer's hard again.

Seriously, there is going to be _no come left_ if Spencer doesn't stop jerking off. He is probably using up the world's come banks and there will be a crisis like the monetary one and nobody would be able to have sex anymore, and it would be all Spencer's fault. Well, it would be Brendon's fault for having the kind of dick that drives people to fucking distraction, but then, all of a sudden, Spencer's imagining having to stand up on stage and own up to being obsessed with Brendon's little dick, and fuck if that isn't making him even harder. By the time he's imagined owning up to wanting to go on his knees for Brendon and take him in his mouth, and how he wouldn't even have to stretch his jaw wide to take him all in, he's got his hand down his pants and he's jerking off again, red-faced and breathing hard. He should be embarrassed, imagining this, but it's just making him harder, and Spencer thinks that his brain is a total fucking stranger to him right now. He remembers Brendon's dick bumping into his nose and his mouth waters; he wants to suck him off, he wants to get him ready and then have Brendon fuck him—

Spencer imagines having to own up to being so desperate for Brendon's cock in his ass that he'd beg for it, and he comes so hard he swears he sees stars.

"Fuck," he says, because that's the kind of fantasy that fucks with your world view. "Fuck, fuck, _fuck_."

—

So, he starts to save pictures to a folder on his laptop, and he doesn't hide it all that well, because he doesn't really _expect_ anyone to go looking for his tiny cock picture and video folder, but he does kind of visit that folder a lot, okay. A _lot_. He thinks about trying to trap Brendon's dick under the waistband of his underwear so just the tip was peeking out, and how he might have to pull Brendon's underwear down just a little so that there was anything to show at all, and oh god, he's got to jerk off again.

Also i think Spencer thinks about brendon fucking him a lot. Maybe he gets drunk one night and buys a really small plug, like one of those beginning plugs and he feels kind of DUMB but he's also all ansty and restless and squirmy whenever he thinks about how it's in the mail because then when it comes he can use it and pretend it's brendon fucking him with his little dick, oh god.

—

They get four days at home next week before they fly out for the next leg of their tour; Spencer can't wait, and not just because he's desperate for a broadband connection that doesn't time out and the freedom to sit in his underwear in his living room and jerk off twenty seven times a day while surfing porn sites looking for guys who look like Brendon. It's just—ever since he came thinking about Brendon fucking him he's felt kind of weird. Kind of squirmy, if that's a thing. Anticipatory, maybe. Restless, definitely. He's never had more than a fingertip in his ass and while that hadn't been an accident, it hadn't exactly been premeditated either, and now the idea's in his head it just won't fucking leave.

It's nine in the morning when he picks out a tiny pink _my first anal_ toy from a sex toys website that promises discreet delivery and swears it'll be there waiting for him at home when he gets back from tour. The fact that it's called "finger fun" gets him even harder, if that's possible, and it isn't like Spencer didn't know before now that this was weird, but the fact is—none of the bigger dildos or plugs do it for him at all. He doesn't care, and he doesn't want to add them to his wishlist, but he wants every single one of the tiny ones, just so he can figure out which one is best. The one he picks out has a little loop for his finger to hook through, but it's _tiny_. It's like a tiny pink silicone bullet, and Spencer wants to know what it feels like to fuck himself with it. He won't feel full at all, he thinks, and he glances towards the bunks, trying to figure out whether he can jerk off before the others wake up.

Probably not, he thinks regretfully, clicking in his card details and pressing submit. He can't even remember being this horny when he was fourteen and discovering jerking off for the first time.

 

—

OH GOSH. The tiny plug. When it arrives, it's kind of _tiny_ \- much tinier than Brendon's dick, he thinks, but he still kind of imagines that it's Brendon anyway, when he lubes it up and slips it inside. It goes _so easily_ , oh god, and he remembers all that conflict in his head when he used to think about Ryan's dick, and how he knows that he _could_ take much more than this but he doesn't _want_ to. He doesn't want to be full, he wants _this_ , he wants the way this feels, small and full of sensation and kind of ticklish and super, super hot, oh god. He comes really, really quickly from a plug that isn't much bigger than his little finger.

—

[time passes. In real life, not in the fic. And then we ended up back on the subject again.]

—

That thing about the plug is hot, right? it's so hot.

—

The plug is SO HOT. Tiny pink plug with a loop at the end for Spencer to hook his finger through.

—

Just like the one that [redacted] sent us a picture of! I like that idea. Om nom nom Spencer fucking himself with it. I wish I could summon up more than that right now I am just very tired and I need to like, breathe for a few minutes. Seriously, though. Spencer would enjoy that plug so much and be _so ashamed_ of it at the same time, because on the one hand it's not like anal toys are very big anyway and it's not like he had to buy it from a special "toys for guys who like tiny dicks!" store and on the other he's been fucking himself with a plug and getting off to the idea that it's Brendon's tiny dick, so.

—

Breathing is awesome. I'm just imagining Spencer getting so turned on by this and feeling weird about it, but at the same time, kind of excited that he's unlocked this part of his brain. At least he knows what he gets off on. Tiny plugs.

...Maybe he finds this one on the website that he can _leave in_ , and he buys it without even thinking about it, and then he slides it in and leaves it in while he wanders around the house and he manages about five minutes before he has to jerk off in the hallway, plug still in.

—

Yyyy exactly. It's awesome and it's weird but it's great at the same time, because now he GETS it, and it makes everything make a lot more sense because it's not like he wasn't attracted to guys before, he just kind of got sort of :/// when he thought about taking their pants off, which didn't make any sense, and now it turns out that all he has to do is imagine that every hot guy he meets has a dick like Brendon's and all of a sudden Spencer is like, stupidly turned on all the time and apparently he is _really really gay_ in that part of his brain that likes guys and not girls, like _seriously, really gay._ And maybe everyone starts to like, notice, and maybe this is happening on-tour with now-Brendon and now-Spencer and Brendon is mostly just flummoxed because all of a sudden Spencer is like checking out every guy they meet and he knew Spencer was sort of wobbly but now all of a sudden Spencer is like, hitting on dudes by accident and Brendon is just _confused._

_—_

Brendon is kind of baffled because he's had a thing for Spencer since approximately the year dot, in a _well, how could you not_ kind of way, since Spencer is Spencer, and totally hot, but Spencer has always been distressingly confusing about his sexuality. Brendon had long ago stopped hoping that their conversations about guys being hot would translate into Spencer admitting he liked dudes in a sexual way, but here they are on tour, and Spencer is, like, _flirting_. And checking guys out, and it is _weird_ , okay, because Brendon keeps catching Spencer looking at _him_ , because contrary to popular opinion, Brendon is not a dumbass and is in fact kind of astute. Especially when it comes to people checking him out and looking at his _dick_ , okay.

—

And Brendon at first thinks he's imagining it, because they all get a little weird on tour and Brendon is pretty sure that it is totally within the realm pf possibility that his sleep-deprived brain could try to convince him that Spencer is staring at his dick all the time. But no, he really is, he is hitting on other dudes and staring at their dicks and he is _definitely_ spending a fair amount of quality time staring at Brendon's dick, like to the point where Brendon wants to remind Spencer that his face is up here, not down there, except that Spencer always kind of looks bashful and blushes when he's caught and it's really cute except for how it's really weird.

—

And Brendon would just, like. He wouldn't _get_ it. What's so special about his dick? If anything, it's _lacking_ in the specialness department, Brendon feels. He's kind of come to terms with it on the idea that the universe needed something to balance out his weird innate musical genius, so he's not nearly as insecure about it as he used to be, but there is a dick-staring level of normal dick-staring interest and Dallon and Ian should be at the top of that list, not Brendon.

—

Brendon doesn't like, hate his dick or anything. He kind of likes it, in an attached to it kind of way, but he is also aware that he usually has to prepare people for it when he's going to have sex with them and have it matter. There are other dicks that are much more, well, well-sized for staring at.

—

It gets to the point where Brendon finds himself hiding in the bathroom at a hotel, staring at his crotch in the mirror, trying to figure out what the fuck Spencer keeps looking at. He can barely see the outline of his cock in his jeans, so he has no idea what Spencer's looking at. He tugs on his jeans a little, trying to figure out if he can make his dick show at all.

Which, of course, is when Spencer walks in.

—

Unf Spencer would flip his shit watching Brendon do that. He'd go weak in the knees and then have to go jerk off somewhere.

—

[more time passes]

—

I am still thinking about Spencer obsessing over Brendon's tiny dick, though. I think I have discovered a new kink.

—

i want to think about spencer walking in on brendon sort of trying to figure out what the hell spencer is staring at, and then spencer has to run away and shamefully jerk off because he could barely even see it, even when brendon was like, TRYING and then brendon tries to confront him all "...bro?" and spencer is like "...uh, wasnt feeling good. dont want to talk about it." /o\

—

OH GOD YES. There was barely anything to see, and Spencer finds that SO HOT, and he kind of wants to go on his knees for Brendon right now, and just mouth at his jeans and it is stupidly hot and also kind of ridiculously embarrassing, and there is _nowhere_ to go and jerk off, so he has to like, go and find somewhere. Which is even more shameful.

—

yyy. he doesnt know what to do but he cant like, walk around like this, he has the most obvious erection in the history of ever, so he goes and finds another mens room on the other side of the venue/hotel/whatever and does it in there and the whole time he's a little terrified that brendon has followed him and is going to walk in on him, which kind of makes it worse because thats also hot, the idea of being discovered and that then brendon would KNOW what made spencer so desperate and crazy.

—

Secretly that gets him almost as much, the idea of Brendon walking in on him and making Spencer tell him why he's so desperately jerking off over the sink. He thinks he locked the door but he can't be sure and part of him doesn't want to check, just in case Brendon _might_ walk in. It's just—his _dick_. The way that it barely showed through his jeans and Spencer just wants to get down on his knees for him. Fuck. He comes hard, breathless and panting.

—

He feels almost too ashamed to go back to the hotel room, to Brendon, but he has to. He can't wander the hotel hallways forever, and he was too turned on when he left to grab anything other thn his hotel key. he doesn't even have his phone.

It feels like a walk of shame, if walks of shame were supposed to get you turned on.

Fuck, Spencer has a problem.

He has even more of a problem when he walks back into the hotel room to find Brendon sprawled on the bed in just his jeans, hands behind his head, eyebrows raised.

"You want to tell me why you ran out of here like your clothes were on fire?" Brendon asks.

"Like my clothes were on fire?" Spencer says, weakly, and tries not to look at Brendon's dick. Fuck, he's such a creeper.

—

"Yeah," Brendon says, eyeing him curiously. "Are you—what's on your pants?" He sits up, frowning, and Spencer wants to die of shame. He can't look down, because then he'll look guilty, but he also can't remember spilling anything on himself today, which means he managed to get come on his pants and if Brendon gets any closer he's going to _know._

"Soft-serve," Spencer says hurriedly, crossing the room before Brendon can walk over and like, inspect _his_ dick, and before this week Spencer doesn't think he's ever thought so much about dicks and the practice of staring at them in his _life_ , seriously. "It's soft-serve ice cream," Spencer says again, just in case Brendon didn't hear him, because Brendon is still coming closer, and _following him into the bathroom,_ and oh god, what is Spencer's life.

"When did you get ice cream?" Brendon says, frowning. "And where? And why didn't you tell me, I want ice cream."

"Uh," Spencer says helplessly. "There's, um. There's one of those machines down in the lobby. The kind where you press a button, and the robot arm gets you ice cream."

"Okay," Brendon says, still frowning as Spencer tries to ever-so-casually wipe the stain off his crotch. Spencer can do casual. If there is a casual way to do this he is going to motherfucking _find it_ , and also he needs to kick Brendon out of the bathroom before Brendon's dick starts being hot and tiny and un-seeable again and then this whole stupid cycle starts all over.

"You ran out of the bathroom with an intense and sudden desire for ice cream?" Brendon says, crossing his arms over his chest. He sounds intensely dubious.

"Yes," Spencer says desperately. "Exactly. That's exactly it."

—

"Uh," Spencer says, "I'm just going to, um -" he points helplessly at the bathroom, and he can feel his face going red.

"I don't remember an ice cream robot arm in the lobby," Brendon says, standing up and following Spencer into the bathroom. He leans against the wall, deceptively casual. "You'd think I'd remember that. Fuck, I want ice cream. Show me where it is, Spence." He sounds a little bit like he doesn't believe there's ice cream in the lobby, which is stupid since Spencer sounded totally sincere. Apart from how he needs to look in the mirror to check whether he came on himself jerking off over Brendon's little dick, what the fuck.

"We should go out and get ice cream," Spencer says, quickly. "Like, good ice cream. Do you want good ice cream?"

"I kind of want to know why you're behaving so weirdly," Brendon says, folding his arms. "Did you take a weird pill?"

Spencer tries very, very hard not to let his eyes drop to Brendon's crotch. His gaze flicks down, just for a second, but when he looks up again, Brendon's watching him, eyes narrowed.

"I need to pee," Spencer says, and he can feel himself blushing red.

—

...okay now it's just going to be REALLY HARD not to take this to a humiliation kink/watersports place. Um. Um.

—

la la la I can't imagine WHAT you're talking about.

YES LET'S GO THERE. Um. \o/

—

"So pee," Brendon says, gesturing towards the toilet. "Be my guest, dude. " He's giving Spencer an even weirder look now, because it's not like they don't both pee in front of each other all the time. It's never been an issue before. Brendon's really polite about urinal etiquette, actually, which Spencer has always appreciated, and up until a month ago it wasn't like Spencer ever even _considered_ looking, because he figured, you know, see one dick you've seen them all. Except now it's completely different, because Brendon's dick is tiny and hot and Spencer has to stand like three urinals away so he can actually piss without getting hard. That's a whole other problem that he's been dealing with, and mostly he's just been using the stalls a lot, but he can't do that here because Brendon is staring at him, challengingly, and if Spencer pulls his dick out Brendon's going to _see_ that Spencer's half-hard and he's going to see Spencer's _dick_ , and.

And.

"Can I get some privacy?" Spencer says weakly.

"No," Brendon says. "Dude, just pee. Why are you acting so fucking weird all the time lately?"

"I'm not," Spencer mumbles, still blushing.

"No, you really, really are," Brendon says. He looks down at Spencer's crotch, at Spencer's hands still sort of hovering blindly around his waist while he tries to get up the courage to take his dick out, or, even better, while he waits here and tries to die of shame. Spencer feels himself flush even hotter, and then Brendon's shaking his head, a weird half-smile on his face.

"Dude," Brendon says. "This is some kind of weird sex thing, isn't it?"

"What?" Spencer says frantically, "What? What. No. What?"

"You were jerking off," Brendon says. "You went and jerked off, and now you're all—Dude, you're _never_ supposed to take Viagra recreationally, what were you thinking?"

Spencer stares at Brendon.

"What?" Spencer says, after a few moments where he's parsed Brendon's words and still hasn't managed to get them to compute.

"Look, you're already hard again," Brendon says, shaking his head. Spencer looks down and like, fuck. Yeah. He really, really is. He tries not to think about _why_ this whole conversation is making him so hard, about how the thought of Brendon watching him pee is leaving him a little shaky and breathless. "You keep this up you're going to end up in the hospital and they're going to chop your dick off," Brendon tells him solemnly, although Spencer thinks Brendon might also be trying not to laugh. "I know you're all like. Like exploring your sexuality lately and shit, but there _is_ such a thing as too much gay sex, dude."

"Oh my god," Spencer says weakly. "Shut up, stop talking, oh my god."

—

"Are you even going to be able to piss like that?" Brendon says, looking intrigued despite himself. He crosses the room to get a closer look. "How much did you take? And where did you get it from, anyway?"

"I didn't," Spencer says weakly. "I'm not. That's."

"Can I touch it?" Brendon says, and Spencer has to jerk away because Brendon _almost just touched his dick_ , what the fuck.

"Dude," Spencer says, giving Brendon a horrified look. "Did _you_ take the crazy pills?"

"Is it weird?" Brendon says. He's giving Spencer an interested look, now that he's done lecturing Spencer about his choice of recreational activities. "Is like, different from a normal boner?"

"I didn't take any fucking Viagra," Spencer grinds out. "Okay. This is just. It's just. I don't know, okay, I'm a little weird lately, but I don't know what _this_ is about." He gestures to his crotch. "I don't know why it's doing that," Spencer says, lying desperately. "It just. Is." His whole body is tingling. This is insane. Spencer can't even remember the last time he was this turned on, and Brendon hasn't even done anything, he's just existing and being hot and asking Spencer to pee in front of him and walking around in pants that hang off his hipbones. Now that he's so close Spencer can see the little rise in his jeans where his dick must be, and before he's even finished that thought his dick jerks again, becausefuck _._

"There is no way you can pee like that," Brendon says. "Try it, come on. I bet you ten bucks you can't pee."

"What the hell?" Spencer says. "No. What? No."

"Twenty bucks," Brendon says, giving him an appraising look.

"Brendon," Spencer says carefully. "If you don't move your face and your hands away I'm going to pee on _you._ "

"You'll do it?" Brendon says, starting to grin.

"You are so fucking weird," Spencer says. "And no, I'm not peeing in front of you on a bet so you can stare at my dick, stop being a creepy fucking weirdo." _Oh god,_ Spencer thinks. _Oh fuck, I want you to stare at my dick so badly, oh fuck. I want you to watch._

Brendon gives Spencer a considering look. "Fifty bucks," Brendon says, raising an eyebrow, after a long pause.

"Shit," Spencer says weakly, because he really can't turn that down.

"Go for it," Brendon says, stepping back slightly, but still hovering close to Spencer. "Do it and I give you fifty bucks, right now."

—

omgggggggg. *_________________________*

"I can't do it right now," Spencer says, even though he really, _really_ wants to do it right the fuck now. "It'll go everywhere." He makes a vague, hand-wavey movement that's supposed to demonstrate his dick standing mostly up and the process of peeing. It's kind of abstract, but he can't really concentrate on making art when Brendon's going to pay him money to see him pee, and Spencer can't stop staring at Brendon's dick. Or, at least where Brendon's dick should be if Brendon had a big enough dick to show a fucking bulge, oh god, Spencer can't do this.

Brendon throws a considered glance at the bathroom wall. "It's mostly tiled," he says. "Sixty bucks says you can get it above the tile line."

"That's a bet I'm not taking," Spencer says. "Fifty bucks, though." He's said the last part without thinking it over. He's agreed to Brendon's bet.

"You could, uh," Brendon nods towards the shower. "Pee in the shower," he says.

"Jesus," Spencer manages, since there's a pretty good chance that peeing in the shower is also going to result in peeing on himself, and fuck, there are only so many of his fantasies that he can stack up on top of one another before he's going to show himself up. He's already humiliated because he's hard in front of Brendon, because Brendon's looking at his dick with considered interest and because he's going to _watch Spencer pee_.

"Fifty bucks," Brendon says, pulling back the shower curtain. "Come on, this is like one of those science shows on TV."

If science shows were more like this, Spencer thinks a little desperately, he would have watched more of them growing up. Fuck.

"I can't believe I'm going to do this," Spencer says.

"Nobody can turn down fifty bucks," Brendon says. "It's like, an impossibility or something."

Spencer tugs off his jeans, and resolutely does not look at Brendon at all. His cheeks burn. He keeps thinking _stupid idea stupid idea stupid idea_ , but he can't seem to make himself stop. His stomach twists.

—

"Told you you couldn't," Brendon says gleefully, after a minute or two where Spencer just—he just can't, it's too weird, he's too turned on and his skin is too tight. Spencer bites his lip, closing his eyes and trying to think of really unsexy things. He's just on the edge of being too hard to _pee_ , for fuck's sake, and he can't remember the last time that's even happened to him. Although granted, he's usually not trying to pee at the same time that he's jerking off, but like. Whatever. His dick isn't working, and it's all Brendon's fault.

"Why are we doing this," Spencer says, to distract himself. Maybe if he keeps talking to Brendon about random shit, he'll be able to go. "Why are we even doing this, what we doing?"

"I'm hanging out in the bathroom of this fine hotel establishment and waiting for you to pee in the shower," Brendon says, leaning up against the shower stall and peering in at Spencer. At Spencer's dick, and oh, god, now Brendon's _looking,_ and it's even worse. He's so hard. He's never going to be able to do this. He can barely even _think_.

"Right," Spencer says. "But like. Brendon, this is fucking weird, you get that, right?"

"No weirder than Pete dumping a bottle of piss on us that one time," Brendon says. "Dude, do you shave your balls?"

"Brendon," Spencer says weakly. "Brendon, can you like. Can you just stop talking?"

—

"Am I giving you performance anxiety?" Brendon says, mock apologetic. "Aww, poor Spencer."

"You fucking try it," Spencer grinds out. "It's not as easy as it looks."

"No, it totally is," Brendon says, and then he's shoving his pants down and edging Spencer over in the shower and _pulling his dick out._ Spencer makes a soft, helpless noise. His dick jumps again, more obviously this time. "See?" Brendon says, assuming the position, holding himself easily. He's half-hard, and god, he's just—it's so stupid, because all Spencer can think about is how Brendon's dick is kind of like, beautiful, like it's hot and he's going to pass out from blood loss soon but it's also just _beautiful,_ tiny and perfect and there is literally nothing Spencer has ever wanted more than he wants to touch Brendon's tiny, perfect little dick.

"Come on, how long am I going to have to wait, dude?" Brendon murmurs, but his voice is a little lower, a little rougher. And then he just fucking starts _peeing_ , right there, in front of Spencer, no big deal, except for how Spencer can't even breathe from the rush of heat that shoots up his spine.

—

OH DEAR GOD. *_____________________________*

"Fuck," Spencer manages, and normally he has some vague semblance of self control that he can drag out - the self control that meant he'd run down a hotel hallway to find a bathroom stall in the lobby he could jerk off in, rather than jerking off in their hotel room - but he can't take his eyes of Brendon's dick. Brendon's fucking peeing, and he's half-hard, and his pee hits the wall and runs down the the tiles and over the lip of the seal and down around Brendon's feet, and Spencer's feet, and Spencer can't keep it in anymore, he just can't. He lets out a hiss of breath, a desperate, hitched sound that has Brendon's gaze shooting up and meeting his.

"See," Brendon says, but he sounds breathless too, breathless and kind of rough and oh _god_. His little dick. Fuck. Brendon can hold his wholedick in the circle of his fist, and only the tip peeps out when Brendon loosens his grip. Spencer wants to suck him off. He feels like the worst kind of friend because right now he's so obsessed with Brendon's dick he can't even think straight. "It's easy. You do it."

"I don't even know who's supposed to pay who," Spencer says, weakly, because he's going crazy here, absolutely fucking crazy, attraction and heat and something that feels a lot like desire burning across his skin.

—

Hnnnnghhh I DON'T KNOW IT'S ALL SO HOT. Should they hook up now? Should they continue waiting? HELP IDK.

—

I think there should be peeing and I don't know, SPencer could kiss him and then like, idk, suck him off or something and they don't talk about it and it's weird? And then there can be a little angst and then Brendon letting Spencer ravish him and touch his dick a lot. Or there can be ALL OF THE SEX now. Or just peeing. WHAT DO YOU THINK.

—

Yyyy no I love the first idea. Helpless, random kisses and makeouts and they're both really turned on and Spencer sucks him off and then Zack calls them and they're like SHIT and so Spencer doesn't get off, and Brendon runs out to answer the phone in the room and Spencer closes the door and jerks off super fast and then they have to leave and they can't talk about it and then they don't talk about it and it's REALLY weird, because it's not like they just suddenly hooked up and had tender loving kisses, apparently the thing that finally got them together was peeing in a fucking shower stall and like. What?

—

And then they talk about it and Spencer haltingly admits it and he's MORTIFIED and then he's worried about Brendon thinking that he ONLY likes Brendon for his dick and Brendon is a little confused, ngl, and then they get that sorted out and then Spencer finally gets to play with Brendon's dick and then Brendon fucks him. Brendon would be super into it, because he's probably never had someone like, desperate to be fucked with his dick before, and it's really hot how much Spencer wants it.

:D?

—

OH YES OH YES. Brendon would get to play up to that ringmaster thing he pulls on stage, and nobody ever wanted that from him before, and it would be EXCELLENT and Spencer would just, like, fall apart.

—

Yessss exactly. He'd talk to Spencer a lot while he's getting him ready, and tell him all about how he's going to fuck him, and Spencer would be dying for it and desperate and panting and they'd use lots and lots of lube so everything is super wet and it would just be this amazing sensation, Brendon's little perfect dick sliding in and out of him.

—

Spencer would be embarrassed by how badly he wanted it, and how desperate he is, but it just makes it _hotter_. How he's begging Brendon for it and Brendon's touching him everywhere and Spencer just wants even more.

—

Yyyy. I wonder if Brendon would get off on that, too - on making Spencer crazy and making Spencer beg for it and sort of testing how far this goes for Spencer *_______*

—

Yeah, I think he would. I think he'd really love the fact that he gets to be in control of this, of _Spencer,_ when Spencer's getting off on the fact that Brendon's _little_. Like... it gets Brendon off a) because it's amazing that someone wants you that much and b) because getting to push Spencer until he's begging and out of control and desperate and wanting it so badly is kind of insanely hot.

—

Ugh, yes. He would do things like make Spencer keep his hands behind his back and blow him, and Brendon would just lie there and get to enjoy it and tell Spencer casually that he knows Spencer can take him deeper, he's not that big, Spencer's got a big mouth, he can definitely do better than that. And Spencer would whine helplessly and suck harder on Brendon's little dick and Brendon would gasp and buck his hips up.

—

[And then a lot more time (real life, not ficcish) passes]

—

eeek too little time to write anything properly, but how about the time that Brendon suggests to Spencer that he wear the plug out, and then they go off and run errands. Brendon spends the whole morning telling him all the things he's figured out about what Spencer wants, and how he knows Spencer gets off on those tiny little anal play toys, and how he knows Spencer is just about ready to beg for it, and is desperate to beg Brendon to fuck him. Spencer goes slowly more and more crazy insane as the morning wears on, as Brendon is stretching the time before they go back home out further and further, and how he has an asshole list of all the errands they need to run, and how he's ticking them off one by one. Spencer is so hard, and so desperate, and he's red-faced and embarrassed and _so turned on_ , and he can't stop looking at Brendon's dick in his jeans.

—

That is the best idea ever, omg. Humiliation stuff is so fun to play with, and that would be the best kind of humiliation for Spencer - it's not like Brendon is doing anything to shame him, it's just that the _fact that Brendon knows_ is shameful enough, and kicks everything into overdrive for him. It's hot enough that Spencer can feel it inside of him every time he moves, that he can't ever forget that he's wearing it, but there's all sorts of other stuff running around in his head that he cant even identify, weird stuff about how Spencer's so desperate for cock that even Brendon's tiny little dick is enough, it's perfect for him, it's all the wants, the smaller the better because he's so hungry for it that even the tiny little plug is the best thing he's ever felt. And it makes Spencer's stomach twist and his cheeks feel red and he can't stop staring at Brendon and thinking about how Brendon's going to pull the plug out when they get home and tell Spencer how tiny it is and exclaim over the fact that Spencer could even feel it at all and tell Spencer how Brendon's going to get him all wet and open so Brendon's going to feel just as little inside him when he slides in and that will still be enough for Spencer, won't it?

Meanwhile they're sitting in a Jiffy Lube or something while Brendon's car gets an oil change and Brendon's reading an old issue of some gaming magazine and Spencer has never felt more like a pervert in his life.

Although he thinks Brendon picked today to go get an oil change on purpose. Because he's an asshole.

—

"You're such a asshole," Spencer says, flicking Brendon's gaming magazine.

Brendon just waggles his eyebrows. "You love it," he says, which Spencer does. All of this stuff inside of his head, he might not be able to put a name to all of it, but he knows that he's jerked off more in the last few weeks than he has in his whole entire life. It's like every second thought is about cock, and Brendon's cock in particular. He is late to the sexual identity crisis party but fuck, he is catching up fast. He wriggled in his seat, unable to help himself. The plug is tiny and if he moves he can feel it, and know that what gets him off is this.

Brendon catches Spencer's movement and he leans in, whispering just low enough for Spencer to hear. "I know what gets you off," he says. "I know you want me to fuck you and I know about the vibrator you keep in your nightstand. It's so small I bet I could fuck you and slide the vibrator in at the same time." He leans in even closer, his mouth grazing Spencer's ear. "Do you fuck yourself with that tiny vibrator, Spence?"

Spencer can't breathe.

—

"No," Spencer manages. "What—um." He can't even say "what vibrator?" out loud, because jesus christ Brendon, they're in a _waiting room_. A public waiting room. With people who don't need to know about Spencer's dirty little secrets, oh god. Spencer shifts restlessly on the plastic bench, trying not to think about the plug.

"They can't hear me," Brendon says, barely whispering. His lips brush the shell of Spencer's ear. "I promise. They can't hear me telling you about how I want to see you fuck yourself with that tiny little thing. Is that why you bought it? Because it's so little?" 

"I—," Spencer whispers, his cheeks flaming. He cuts off. Seriously, he can't do this. Fuck, he's so hard.

"It feels so good, doesn't it," Brendon says softly. "You can just slide it right in, can't you? That tiny little thing. Especially if you've been wearing your plug all day. I think what's what we should do when we go home, don't you? I can bend you over the couch and pull the plug out and slide that little vibrator in."

Spencer whimpers, biting down on his lip to mute the sounds.

"Shhh," Brendon says, pressing a kiss to Spencer's temple. "We've still got a lot of errands to run. If you keep being so good for me, maybe I'll even think about turning it on before I slip it inside you." Brendon pulls back, ignoring the weird looks they're getting from the girl at the front desk. She can't hear anything, she's on her cell phone, but Brendon definitely just sat and whispered into Spencer's ear for a good two minutes while Spencer blushed in her waiting room.

"I hate you more than I have ever hated anyone in my life," Spencer tells Brendon, unsteadily.

"Yup," Brendon says, flipping to a new page, smiling sunnily. "Love you too, bro."

—

It is the longest oil change since the beginning of oil changes, and even Brendon's frustrated by the time they finally get to leave, even though he's covering it well.

Spencer sits down a little gingerly, because he's wearing a _plug_ , but Brendon just looks at him and smirks.

"Fuck you," Spencer says, politely.

"Fuck _you_ ," Brendon says, and then he slides his hand up Spencer's leg. "When we get home." Now that they're in the car they can at least talk without fear of being overheard, but Spencer can't help but secretly wonder if the fear of being overheard was part of what got him hard. Brendon shoots him a sidelong look. "Don't think I don't know how hot you just found that," he said.

Spencer blushes hard. "Don't—"

"How long have you been hiding that vibrator, Spence?" Brendon asks, conversationally.

—

"Brendon -"

"How long have you been hiding it? Do you really fuck yourself with it? It's so tiny. And pink. Did you pick it out online, or go into the shop and pretend it wasn't for you?"

"Fuck," Spencer says, in a strangled voice. "Yeah, Yeah."

"Yes to what?" Brendon asks, softly, hand still on Spencer's knee.

—

"Yes, I fuck myself with it," Spencer says. He has to drag each word out; he's burning with embarrassment. He's even harder than he had been five minutes ago. "I saw it in the sex shop and I couldn't buy it, I was too embarrassed. I came home and ordered it online. That's why I was late to the bar a couple of weeks ago. It was in my mailbox and I couldn't leave without jacking off. I did it right there in the hall."

—

"Right there in the hallway?" Brendon asks. He sounds kind of strangled too. "You didn't even make it on to the couch?"

"Right there in the hallway," Spencer says. His heart is pounding. He doesn't know whether it's hotter that he's telling Brendon this, or that he did it in the first place. He'd torn the packaging off and dropped it on the floor and pulled his jeans down, and he'd fucked himself with the vibrator, right there and then, his hands shaking. "Kneeling on the stairs."

—

"I've never -" Spencer starts. "I can't stop jerking off, B. I'm hard all the fucking time. It's driving me crazy."

—

[SUDDENLY PANTIES]

—

oh gosh you know what this verse needs? panties.

—

AS EVERY GOOD VERSE DOES OMG.

—

little pink panties to match spencer's little pink vibrator and plug. a straight up sexy humiliation thing. brendon buys them and gives them to spencer to wear next time they're playing by teasing spencer.

and spencer loves them and is horribly embarrassed by them at the same time.

—

oh god yes. yesssssssssssss. I don't know why I never realised that sexy humiliation was such a big thing for me until this year. Writing [redacted] was a ~revelation~.

—

yyyyy me either. that story is so fucking hot omg. i want a bazillion words of it. and also spencer feeling ashamed and desperate for brendon to fuck him with his perfect little dick in his tiny pink panties.

—

Do you want to just chat out a few more scenes and hold off posting a while longer? I find I would like to talk about panties and humiliation a while longer...

—

YES.

YES I AGREE.

LET'S DO THAT

—

What else should happen in this verse? I want panties. And humiliation. And more watersports. it all needs to form a coherent story arc or something.

—

Hurrah. I just love the dynamic of Spencer being lost in this haze of being totally desperate for it and brendon playing on that. And panties. And the plug.

—

I think watersports and panties and humiliation and Eeeeee all of the sex scenes. The way we have it I don't think they have had a declaration of love yet so we could have bff sex and in love and no declaration until the end?

—

Oh yyyyyyyyyy this is all something they're playing with and now they're having sex and it's super hot and super kinky and super intimate but no one's talking about feelings, like this is a totally normal thing to do with your bro who gets off on your tiny dick, you make him a wear a plug and talk dirty to him in public and you make him tell you about all of his filthy fantasies but obviously no one talks about their feelings. LOVE.

—

I have been thinking about how they go shopping at the mall one night and they end up in a department store or something and Brendon disappears for a while, which is annoying because Spencer is trying to pick out a new toaster and obviously he needs someone else to provide toaster feedback on which one is the most badass. And then he comes back and Spencer is all WHERE WERE YOU WTF HELP ME PICK OUT A RAD TOASTER and Brendon hands him a little bag and Spencer raises an eyebrow and peers into it and there's something like this inside:

http://www.victoriassecret.com/ss/Satellite?ProductID=1265646068577&c=Page&cid=1319075842658&pagename=vsdWrapper

And they're actually very sedate and pretty, for girl panties, and Spencer appreciates leopard print and fishnets and all of those things but his first thought is that they're nice, they're kind of understated and sexy, and then his second thought is to be really confused about why Brendon is showing him a pair of panties.

"Okay?" Spencer says, giving Brendon a confused look. "What, are you stocking up for throwing a crazy party where all the girls lose their underwear or something? Is this some kind of weird girls-gone-wild thing? I thought you didn't do that anymore."

"I don't," Brendon says, rolling his eyes. "We haven't done that since we were like seventeen."

"That's what I thought," Spencer says. "So—"

"They're for you," Brendon says casually. "Go put them on."

Spencer's stomach twists, something hot sparking low in his spine. "What?" Spencer says.

"They're your size," Brendon says. His voice is muted so it won't carry. "I thought they'd look so nice with your plug, you know? You'd match all your little toys. Don't think I have noticed that you have a favorite color scheme."

"It's—that's how they come when you buy them on the internet," Spencer mumbles, his face flaming.

"No it isn't," Brendon says. "I checked. Go put your little pink panties on, Spence. I think you should wear them for the rest of the day."

—

LET'S WRITE THEM FOOLING AROUND AS BROS AND THEN BEING IN LOVE AT THE END, OMG. <3________<3

Spencer takes the bag. "Now?" he says, softly, still staring down at the bag. He can't—he's stuck on this one thing, the pink panties, the bag, Brendon buying them for him, and he can't process anything more than that, what it means. It's just going around in a loop, over and over.

"Now," Brendon says, and just for a second, he looks hesitant. "Okay?"

"Okay," Spencer says, and he nods. "Wait here?"

"I'll pick your toaster out for you," Brendon says. "Something pink." He winks, and Spencer can't find it in himself to say anything back, because his tongue feels thick in his mouth and he can't think.

"I'll be back in five minutes," he says.

"Take as long as you like," Brendon says. "I'll wait."

—

yes omg yes to everything in this email. and then spencer goes into the bathroom and hides in a stall and slides them on and he feels dirty and excited and ashamed and he can barely fit his erection inside them and it pokes out the top and he has to spend a long, LONG moment grabbing his balls and pressing down on everything and forcing himself to relax so he can even leave the men's room without scandalizing all of Santa Monica with his giant erection.

—

Brendon holds up a bag when Spencer gets back. "I bought your toaster for you," he says.

"Pink?" Spencer can feel the panties, the way they slide over his skin underneath his pants. He doesn't give a fuck about the toaster.

"Wait and see," Brendon says, and he winks again. "Are you all fixed up?"

"Yes," Spencer says, a little hoarsely. He shifts from foot to foot, and he can't help but imagine that everyone in the whole mall knows that he's wearing little pink panties. He doesn't know whether that thought makes him harder or not.

"Excellent," Brendon says, lightly. He leans in, and whispers, "When I get you home, I'm going to make you take your clothes off and kneel on the floor, in just the panties. I'm going to push them to one side and slide the plug in."

Spencer's skin burns. He can't swallow. "Jesus Christ," he manages.

"Pink plug," Brendon murmurs. "Your little pink plug. Then I'm going to get your little pink vibrator. All that pink, Spencer. All that pink. You on your hands and knees."

—

"You're going to look so pretty," Brendon says. "Isn't that what you want? To feel pretty?"

"No," Spencer lies. He doesn't know what he wants. He wants everything. He wants Brendon to fuck him, mostly. He wants Brendon to come on his face and finger him and make him desperate and make him beg for it. He wants everything. Jesus, he's so hard. The panties are really soft against his skin. He cant forget even for a moment that he's wearing them.

"I think you do," Brendon says, one hand on the small of his back as he guides Spencer out to their car. "You already look so pretty with that little plug inside you. This is just going to make you even prettier. Are they soft? I bought you the softest ones i could find."

"Yeah," Spencer mumbles. "Really soft."

"Can i see?" Brendon says, unlocking the car door and sliding into the driver's seat. He's grinning, slightly evil. "come on, Spence. No one can see us out here. Tug your jeans down a little and let me see."

—

Spencer really seriously has no fucking idea what he's doing. Part of him is saying _what the fuck_ , but mostly he just wants to do whatever Brendon asks of him, because the way it makes him feel is incredible. It makes him burn.

He takes a breath, and tugs at the top button of his jeans. He can barely breathe, and his fingers feel thick and unwieldy. "There you go," he says, because there's a tiny pink v of material just visible.

"I can't see," Brendon says, leaning on the steering wheel. "More, Spence. I know you want to. You want the whole parking lot to know what you're doing."

"Fuck," Spencer breathes, because he _does_. He really does. Right now he feels like he'd do whatever Brendon asks of him. He undoes the next button, and the next, pulling his fly open so that Brendon can see. His dick is hard and pushing the panties out, away from his skin. He tries to adjust himself.

"Look how hard you are, Spence," Brendon says. "Is it the panties? Is it knowing I'm going to make you kneel on your hands and knees when we get home?"

"Brendon," Spencer protests. It's no protest at all.

"Show me your dick, Spencer. Your pretty pink dick."

—

"I can't—" Spencer says, because most of him, the sensible part, knows that what he's doing is ridiculous, but the rest of him just thinks: _this is the hottest thing in the world_.

"You can," Brendon says. "I know you can. I know how good you can be, Spence."

"Brendon," Spencer manages. He can't even think. He can't do anything but touch his fingertips to his jeans, almost but not quite touching the pale pink panties and his dick, his so-hard dick.

"Go on."

Spencer undoes the last button of his fly, and then nudges the elastic of the panties so that his dick peeks out the top.

"Oh, fuck," Brendon says, his voice tight. "Your pretty pink dick, Spence."

—

ugggggh and then brendon should reach out and so so gently swipe the tip of his finger across the head of spencer's leaking pretty little pink dick, and spencer's hips jerk up and he moans and he cant BREATHE and then brendon pulls his hand back and sucks that finger into his mouth, curling his tongue around it and licking spencer's pre come off his finger.

and then he starts the car >:)

—

Spencer makes a move to button up his jeans, but Brendon stills him with a hand to his jeans as he pulls out of the parking spot. "Leave it," he says, and Spencer knows he should want to say _no_ , but he can't.

"Pull out your shirt," Brendon says, "You can cover yourself up if you need to."

Spencer nods, and arranges his shirt so that his pink panties still show, and the curve of his erection.

"Stay like that until we get home," Brendon says. "Right until we get inside. Then you can take your clothes off in the hallway and go kneel down in the living room and wait for me."

—

This may actually be the filthiest thing I have ever suggested but how do you feel about Brendon making Spencer wait when they get home, and making him do exactly what he keeps saying he will, but the whole point of doing that is so Brendon can go jerk off in the bathroom into his hand and then use his come to slide the toy and/or vibrator in? Because obviously Spencer doesn't want to take it dry. I don't think that's his kink.

Seriously though, the moment Spencer realizes what that _is_ , because it feels different and he can smell it *___* And he would get off on the idea of it, too, that Brendon's so attracted to Spencer when he's desperate that he couldn't wait, either.

—

 

OMG YES. My heart, it is yours. I absolutely LOVE how much Spencer is just desperate for this, and making Brendon show us how hot HE is, omggggggggggggg

—

I just keep thinking about the moment when Spencer realizes it and gasps out loud and shudders and how it kind of breaks Brendon a little bit, too, and all of a sudden he's whispering to Spencer about how he couldn't wait and how pretty Spencer looks and how he didn't think Spencer would really DO that earlier, but he did, and it made Brendon so hard, and all he could think about was going home and jerking off so he could make Spencer beg for it like this.

—

[we got distracted]

—

poor spencer is still in panties covered in come in the small dick verse. oh dear.

—

would it help your day if we helped poor spencer out of the panties? Or rather in the panties but with more come?

—

YES.

yes that would always improve my day.

 

—

Spencer would be waiting for him, just in his pink panties, and Brendon would come in, with his dick out and his come in his hand, and he'd just move the panties over with his free hand. Spencer feels it before he knows what Brendon's doing, the slide of something wet against his ass.

—

And his mouth falls open, because he isn't looking, Brendon told him not to look, but he knows what lube feels like and that isn't lube. There's no way that's lube.

"You—" Spencer gasps out.

"I couldn't wait," Brendon murmurs. "Fuck. You had no idea what you looked like, do you? I couldn't help it." His come is warm and sticky against Spencer's ass, against Spencer's _hole_. Spencer shudders.

(LA LA LA SEE IF THIS WAS REAL FIC WE'D HAVE TO MAKE SOME CAVEAT ABOUT STD TESTING BUT BECAUSE IT'S PORN BRENDON HAS MAGICAL STD FREE COME OKAY? OKAY)

—

Yeah, they've miraculously had a conversation a week earlier about how Brendon was tested for something else unrelated and he had a note come back say he is std free! Wheee!

"I wanted to go jerk off while you went to change into your panties," Brendon says, breathlessly. "It was amazing." He's circling his fingers over Spencer's hole, and Spencer is trying to keep still, he's _trying_ , but it's so hard. Especially when Spencer feels the familiar slide of the plug against his ass.

—

"I just kept thinking about it," Brendon says. "About you in that men's room sliding your little pink panties on and then having to come out here and pretend like you weren't wearing them. About how that must have felt."

Spencer whimpers.

"Did it make you feel filthy?" Brendon says, teasing the plug along Spencer's hole, just inside his rim, just enough for Spencer to feel it and whine and push back into the pressure. "Tell me how it made you feel, Spence. Tell me, or you're not getting this plug."

—

Spencer doesn't know how to make the words inside his head come out of his mouth. "It felt—" he starts, breathlessly. He can't speak.

"Go on," Brendon says, still teasing him. "I know you want it."

"So good," Spencer says, all in a rush. "It felt so good. And then in the parking lot, I thought I was going to come."

"And you wanted everyone in that parking lot to know, didn't you?"

"Yes," Spencer agrees. That part at least is a fantasy, but he knows that Brendon knows that.

—

"You wanted everyone to see you like that," Brendon says, pressing the plug in deeper. "You wanted everyone to know that you couldn't control yourself. That showing your pretty little panties to me in the car was enough to get you off."

"Fuck," Spencer says. "Yes." It's not, and it probably wouldn't have been, but the thought of it still makes Spencer shiver.

"You've been so good for me," Brendon says, letting the plug slip in all the way—only to tug it back when Spencer feels himself clenching down around the dip of the base. It's a thick wet slide out again, one that leaves Spencer gasping for breath. "So good," Brendon says, teasing at where Spencer's wet and open from the plug with the tip of his finger. "So good for me, Spencer. Such a good boy."

—

Spencer's trembling.

"You like your pink panties, don't you, Spence?" Brendon says, still keeping a tight hold on the plug. "And your little pink plug, and your little pink vibrator. What other pink things have you got hidden away? Did you ever fuck yourself with your little finger and think it was too much?"

"Fuck," Spencer manages. He's so turned on it hurts. He can still feel Brendon's come, and he wants the plug so badly, and Brendon's cock even more than that.

—

I just keep thinking about the moment when Spencer realizes it and gasps out loud and shudders and how it kind of breaks Brendon a little bit, too, and all of a sudden he's whispering to Spencer about how he couldn't wait and how pretty Spencer looks and how he didn't think Spencer would really DO that earlier, but he did, and it made Brendon so hard, and all he could think about was going home and jerking off so he could make Spencer beg for it like this.

—

[stuff happens!]

—

TINY LITTLE PINK DICK. Brendon would buy all of the pink stuff. All of the tiny pink stuff.

—

Both of those toys are the PERFECT size. they're like 2-4 inches long and tiny and pink. Spencer would love them. And when they're not playing Brendon would pull up the website and make Spencer look at how it's called the pink ass-berry or something and snicker and Spencer would blush and hit Brendon a lot.

—

There would be lots of hitting and calling out for pizza and then furtive jerking off, and then discovery and then awesome sex.

—

Ugh Spencer jerking off in the shower thinking about it and then Brendon coming in to brush his teeth and walking in on Spencer and realizing what's going on. And then tugging his clothes off and climbing in the shower with Spencer and telling him all about how tiny and pretty and pink his new toys are and what Brendon's going to do with them when they get here.

—

Absolutely, Brendon just climbing in and taking over and making Spencer tell him what he was thinking, and talking about all the tiny pink stuff they just ordered. *______________*

—

 

This set is my absolute favourite:

[click](http://www.amazon.com/Fresh-Collar-Buckle-2-inch-Pink/dp/B001D4ZBOM/ref=sr_1_12?s=hpc&ie=UTF8&qid=1327438364&sr=1-12) [click](http://www.amazon.com/Fresh-Wrist-Restraints-Pink-Blue/dp/B002JVWYHU/ref=sr_1_18?s=hpc&ie=UTF8&qid=1327438364&sr=1-18) [click](http://www.amazon.com/Fresh-Ankle-Restraints-Pink-Bue/dp/B002JVWYK2/ref=sr_1_20?s=hpc&ie=UTF8&qid=1327438364&sr=1-20) [click](http://www.amazon.com/Fresh-FR0976-Paddle-Pink-Blue/dp/B002JVWYP2/ref=sr_1_8?s=hpc&ie=UTF8&qid=1327438389&sr=1-8)

 

—

EXACTLY. EXACTLY. I INSTANTLY FELL IN LOVE.

Like, they're the prettiest set in the world. This week I am very much in love with pretty sex toys. I love this set, you love them and I bet Spencer spends some quality time staring at the website and imagining.

—

also, Brendon buys a tiny set of pink lip glosses for Spencer, and they all have a different flavor, and Spencer trembles as Brendon applies first one, then kisses it off, smearing his fingers across Spencer's cheek, then the next, until he's tried all five and Spencer's a mess.

—

HOW IS THAT SO HOT? HOW.

—

Seriously though andljkaldjalskdj Spencer and lip glosses and Brendon kissing them off to taste each flavor.

—

Maybe that's the first thing they do when they get the collar. Spencer stays still and Brendon tries one lip gloss after the other, kissing them all off, smearing his fingers over Spencer's lips and his cheeks, and Spencer's breath just catches.

—

omg yes yes yes yes.

Now i am thinking about Brendon putting them on Spencer and then kissing Spencer and then making him guess which flavor each one was. Spencer's voice would shake a little and he'd have to go through all the fruits before he hits Strawberry as the first one. Brendon puts a little bit more on his mouth as a reward, and lets Spencer kiss it off his lower lip.

—

Gosh, it is really hot though. How it's not actual sex, but it feels stupidly intimate and really sexy and kind of amazing all at the same time. And maybe Brendon isn't as careful applying it after the first time, and it gets messier and messier.

—

Yyy, exactly. I just love intimacy, and that moment where Spencer can't breathe. I feel like even having to guess the flavors would play into his sexy shame thing. All of that guessing and Brendon prodding him to think of flavours that could be pink. Like cherry. And raspberry. And then smearing it on Spencer's lips all messy and telling him how pretty he looks and kissing him and telling him that he tastes like strawberries. IDK, it's sexy to me.

—

It should be sexy for everyone. My own personal preference for cherry makes that part EVEN HOTTER for me, though.

—

[And again, more time passing, etc etc]

—

LET'S TALK ABOUT THE TINY DICK FIC AND SPENCER'S PINK AND BLUE COLLAR AND CUFFS.

YES LET'S. I have no idea where we left off but Brendon should find those and buy them for Spencer, omg. Except we have that whole subplot of them being bros who are having kinky sex so maybe it should happen after they figure that out. OR MAYBE IT'S THE IMPETUS FOR THEM FIGURING IT OUT. Maybe that's when it gets so intense that they sort of have to deal with everything that's going on between them.

—

Maybe Brendon buys Spencer the cuffs first and he LOVES them. And then maybe the collar comes later.

—

Maybe he buys the cuffs and then they have the declaration of love and then they buy the matching collar.

—

That is kind of what I was thinking. Brendon buys the cuffs on a whim, because he can't NOT, they're perfect for Spencer and they're so pretty and pink and with the cuffs he can cuff Spencer's hands behind his back while Brendon spanks him and teases him in his little panties and obviously that is something that needs to happen. And then it's _intense,_ it really is, because this is a different level of submitting for Spencer and he loves it and it feels amazing but he also goes down a lot farther and both of them are left kind of confused and stunned at the end at how hard Spencer came and how out of it he is and how much he needs Brendon to take care of him. Not that Brendon hasn't been taking care of him before, but this time Spencer's balance is all off and his pupils are all blown and Brendon has to like, wrap him up in blankets and bring him water and take care of him until he's back to normal and then after that it's just...different. It was super intimate, and everything is different now, and neither of them know what to do about it.

—

Oh gosh, starry eyed. They would have no idea how to deal with the intimacy of what happened, and what it meant, and if they could do it again.

—

Yyy. Before, it was like - it was super hot, and super kinky, and embarrassing and hot because it was super kinky, but it was always also just THEM, Brendon and Spencer, and they were always aware of that and knew how to keep a careful distance between play time and band time and friend time. This time around Spencer kind of loses himself a little bit the way you do when you're really far gone, and Brendon's so careful with him when he brings him back, and all of a sudden they both sort of realize that this is more than just some casual sex and there's no way Spencer could have gone that far down if he hadn't trusted Brendon _completely,_ in an ends-of-the-earth kind of way. I think that's a little staggering for both of them.

—

Yes, suddenly there is no way of avoiding how intimate they've been, and how much Spencer had to have trusted him to have gone that far down.

—

And so then they don't know what to do, and are super awkward for a while. Or not even awkward, just - there is a heaviness between them, that they don't talk about. They try and hook up again but it doesn't really work, because they're both thinking too much, and Spencer ends up just blowing Brendon and then Brendon gets him off and they lie there for a while and stare at the ceiling and then get very drunk, because it seems like the thing to do at this point.

—

I think Brendon goes and buys the collar and leaves it on Spencer's bed (somehow, imagine they are roommates or something). And then when Spencer finds it he holds it for a long time and then he goes to Brendon and says, "We can't. I can't."

Brendon frowns. "What do you mean, you can't," Brendon says hesitantly. "You mean, you don't want to?"

—

"No," Spencer says. "No, I mean, I _can't._ We can't. Not unless we're—" It's too tough to say to, too hard to try to put it into words, so Spencer lets the rest of his sentence trail off into silence. _Unless we're together,_ Spencer thinks to himself. _Unless this is also about you and me and us and all the times we're not fucking._

—

Brendon doesn't say anything. "Do you think--" he says finally. "Do you think we've got kind of a lot of things to talk about?"

Spencer flushes, and looks at something just over Brendon's shoulder. "Yeah," he says. 

Brendon lets out a breath. "Do you want to?" he asks. 

Spencer wonders whether that means, _do you want to talk, or, do you want to take this further, you and me, make it something_. Either way, he thinks, he wants the answer to be _yes_. "Yes," he says. Brendon is turning the collar over and over in his hands, and Spencer wants to wear it, wants Brendon to buckle it closed around his throat and make him kneel, but he can't, he _can't_. All of these things he's revealed, and Brendon's understood—it feels like too much. There's too much of him laid open, too many places where he can get hurt if Brendon isn't careful with him. It isn't that he doesn't trust Brendon, because he _does_ —it's just. It's just he feels like he's reached the limit, his limit, and he can't go any further with anyone—even Brendon—who isn't in it for the long term. 

—

"Okay," Brendon says. He's still fingering the collar, looking down at it like he's never seen it before. "Okay," Brendon says again. "Because I think. I think maybe we should talk about it." 

"Sure," Spencer says, and tries not to point out the fact that he just said _yes_ and what he'd meant was yes to all of it. He tries not to just turn around and walk out of the room, because fuck, if he and Brendon aren't on the same page here than maybe they're not on the same page anywhere and if they aren't there's no point in talking about it. They can just end things now, nice and easy, and go back to being friends and maybe Spencer can figure out some way to erase Brendon's brain so that he can't just sit around and think about all the embarrassing shit he now knows about Spencer. 

—

Brendon sits down on the end of the bed and pats the space next to him. 

_Now?_ Spencer thinks, since, well. Okay. He sits down next to Brendon, and Brendon puts the collar down in the space between them. 

"So," Spencer says. "Where do we start?" He figures if he starts off cheerful then at least things can only get worse. 

Brendon raises an eyebrow. "You have a thing for my dick." 

"Yes," Spencer says, since it's pretty obvious he does. The number of orgasms he's had recently speak for themselves. 

"And panties."

"Yes," Spencer says. He wonders if this is just going to be a list of weird things he gets off to.

—

"And you like—"

"Okay, we get the point," Spencer says, ignoring the fact that it's just him and Brendon in the room. He doesn't need to hear Brendon list all of his weird sex kinks. It's embarrassing, and not in the sexy way. 

"I was—sorry," Brendon says, coloring a little. "I'm not—I wasn't trying to be weird."

"Okay," Spencer says.

"I really like that you like my dick," Brendon says awkwardly. "Like. That really works for me. It's hot."

—

"Right," Spencer says. His cheeks feel flushed. 

"And, uh." Brendon's pink too, which at least gives Spencer some kind of hope that this is going in the right direction. "I really like it too. I just, I don't know." He shrugs awkwardly. "I don't think I knew until we started this stuff that I liked it, you know. Being in charge. Of you." He shrugs again, and looks down at his feet. "Of you in particular."

"Oh," Spencer says. "I don't think I knew how much I wanted someone to be, uh, in charge of me until we started, either." He swallows. "The lip gloss—I've never done that with anyone."

"I've never done any of this stuff before." Brendon admits. "I've never had anyone want me the way you want me."

—

"Yeah," Spencer says, and his stomach feels hot and tangled up inside. "I didn't—I didn't know I wanted that," Spencer says, and he knows he's repeating himself but this seems important, somehow, seems like something he should emphasize. "And I didn't know it would end up like this but that's not—" he takes a deep breath. "It's not the only reason."

"Okay," Brendon says, but it doesn't look like he's following. 

"This isn't just about your dick," Spencer says, because sometimes it pays to be blunt. "Like yes, your dick is awesome, but it's not just about how I get off on how small it is or whatever." 

"That sounds a lot less hot when you say it like that," Brendon points out, but Spencer thinks he might be hiding a smile. 

"I'm just saying," Spencer says. "Like. Just so you know. It's not the only reason."

—

"You're my best friend," Brendon says finally. "I don't think I say that enough, but I figure that's what we should be talking about. The fact that you're my best friend. And I like your dick."

Spencer snorts, because he can't not. "Oh fuck," he says, and he puts his face in his hands. "I'm completely in love with you. And you're my best friend. That's what we're skirting around, right? The fact I'm in love with you and I like it when you put lip gloss on me and get me off."

Brendon strokes his hand over Spencer's knee. "Yeah," he says. "That's what we're skirting around."

—

"Fuck," Spencer says, because that wasn't Brendon saying _yeah, i'm in love with you too_. Brendon's stroking his knee and his voice is soft but he's _not saying it back_ , and oh fuck, Spencer is screwed. Seriously, fuck everything right now.

"Spencer," Brendon says, and his hands are so gentle against Spencer's knee. "It's okay."

"It's not okay," Spencer says. He feels sick. "It's not fucking okay. What are we going to do now? You're just—I'm going to fuck everything up. You're going to look at me and think _this is so awkward, he's in love with me_ , and we'll try to be cool about it but it's going to be fucking awful and then eventually you won't be able to take it, and the band—"

"Whoa," Brendon. "Whoa, Spencer, what?"

"You didn't say it back," Spencer says. "Fuck, oh god. Why didn't you stop me? Why didn't you tell me to shut up?"

"I," Brendon says, and he looks entirely caught out, frozen on the spot. "I've never—" He tries to force the words out, pausing to wet his bottom lip and then chew on the inside corner. "I've never said it back," Brendon says quietly. "I've never said that to anyone before. Ever." 

—

"Oh," Spencer says dully. His heart beats dull and heavy in his chest. This is why he couldn't let it go on the way that it was; he was in love, and Brendon—he wasn't, and they were on different pathways, and he couldn't go on like that. He just couldn't. 

"I don't even know _how_ to say it," Brendon goes on. "Like, how can you be sure? What if I say it, and I get it wrong, and you get hurt? Because hurting you is like, at the bottom of my to-do list. And I might _think_ I'm in love with you, but what if I screw up, and you get hurt, and—"

"You think you're in love with me?" Spencer says, because Brendon's babbling and Spencer can't even process any of the rest of it, because he keeps hearing that over and over again. 

Brendon swallows. He chews on his lip and looks Spencer in the eye. His throat moves convulsively. "Yeah," he says. "That's what I think."

—

"For how long," Spencer says, because he suddenly needs to know _right fucking now_ if this is recent development or if Brendon's been feeling this way the whole time, and Spencer just—

"Um," Brendon says. "I don't know. Like a while? But it's not. I told you. I don't even know what love means. I just feel—" he takes a deep breath. "Lots of things about you. For you." He stops. "That was the most awkward declaration of maybe-love ever," Brendon says. "Spencer, can you just—say something? Please?"

"Maybe-love," Spencer says carefully. "Almost-love."

"Yeah," Brendon says. He looks up, finally, meeting Spencer's eyes. Spencer swallows hard at everything he sees there. Brendon's not joking. Not that Spencer thinks Brendon would joke about something like that at a time like this, but he knows what Brendon looks like when he's holding something back and this is Brendon being entirely, terrifyingly honest. 

"I love you," Spencer blurts out, because he can't help it. "Like. I am just so fucking in love with you, and I can't do this if you don't know that. I can't wear a collar for you if that's not what you want, because that's going to fucking break me apart."

—

Brendon startles. "I'd never do anything to hurt you," he says, and Spencer knows, without a shadow of a doubt, that Brendon's telling the truth. Brendon would never intend to hurt him, but that doesn't mean the same as Spencer not getting hurt. 

"I know," Spencer says. "But—look. I never thought about anything like this before we started. But now that we have, I don't know. If I wear a collar for you it's because I'm yours, okay. That's what it means. That's what I'm telling you. That's what I'm offering."

—

"I know," Brendon says. His hand is still on Spencer's knee. "And I think I want that. I'm just—"

"Scared?" Spencer says. 

"Really fucking scared," Brendon says, letting all of the air inside his lungs out at once. "Really scared. And really torn, because it's you and you're amazing and we're amazing together and uh, fuck, I mean, the sex is pretty amazing too—" Brendon breaks off to grin at him for a brief second. "But like—what if I fuck it up? I can't handle fucking up all of that. I just can't." 

Spencer nods. He looks down at Brendon's hand on his knee, at the places where his cuticles are ripped and torn. Brendon's hands are working hands, the same as his own. Brendon takes good care of them, keeps his nails short and neat but when it comes down to it they've both done a lot of stupid shit to their hands in the name of music. Spencer thinks about all blisters he's torn open over the years, about all the times in high school when Brendon taped his fingers up so they wouldn't bleed. But even with all of that, here they are, still whole again. Even with all of the rough places, Brendon's hands are still so soft against his skin. 

"You're not going to fuck it up," Spencer says, curling his fingers into Brendon's. "We're not. You're stronger than that. We both are."

"But—" Brendon says.

"But nothing," Spencer says. "Fuck it. I'm in love with you. You're my best friend and you're my better half and you get off in the same kinky sex shit that I do. I'm not going to turn that down because we're scared." Brendon squeezes his hand. "You're stronger than you think you are," Spencer says again, because sometimes Brendon really needs to hear those words and now is one of those times. 

—

Brendon squeezes his hand, but doesn't look at him. "I don't want to fuck us up," he says, in a low, gruff voice. "I think I could maybe go back to like, not doing this, but I can't go on without you, okay. That's what's scary. Knowing that."

Spencer shakes his head. "Never going to happen," he says, resolutely, even though e knows that it might. Five years ago he would never have predicted that the band would end up the way it had, but it had, and they were here, and that was how things were. He tugs Brendon's hand into his lap. "It's just that I me and my dick have a thing for you and your dick, that's all. That's what it boils down to."

"That's all it is, huh," Brendon says, but when he looks back at Spencer he's smiling with the corner of his mouth. "Just you and me and our dicks and all the things we like about them." 

"Maybe a little more," Spencer admits, and when he looks into Brendon's eyes he can see all the words that they're not saying. He thinks he might have a better idea of what's going on in Brendon's head now, though. He still doesn't know if he's ready for that collar and he doesn't know when or if he'll everbe ready, but the fact that that him and Brendon together is an actual option on the table makes him breathe a little easier.

"You think—" Brendon starts. He glances down at the collar. "You think we can just take it slow? Me and you?"

Spencer doesn't know what to think. "Does it mean—" he shrugs awkwardly. "Less pink things?"

Brendon snorts, and flushes, and Spencer flushes too.

"I don't think it means less pink things," Brendon says. "Not unless that's what you want."

"Not really," Spencer admits. 

"That's good," Brendon says. He's fingering the collar now, rubbing his fingers over the pink strap that runs along the outside of the leather. "I like you in pink. It looks good on you."

"Yeah," Spencer says quietly.

"I mean it," Brendon says, looking over at Spencer again. "I've never--fuck, Spence. You should see yourself. You look amazing. It's so hot." 

Spencer shivers. He can feel his dick start to harden. "Are we—?" he asks, unable to figure out how to ask, _are we dating?_

"Yeah," Brendon says quickly. "I mean. If you want."

"I want," Spencer says, looking down at his lap. "I like the pink things."

"I mean it," Brendon says. "You should see yourself. You should see how hard you get, what you look like when you're all in pink for me. All of those tiny pink toys."

"Yeah," Spencer says. His stomach is starting to curl up in knots, pleasant ones, the kind that always makes his breath shaky and his toes curl.

"They're so little," Brendon says. "And you just can't get enough of them, can you? All those little pink things. So pretty." Brendon pauses, licks his lips, a flicker of tongue darting out over his wet mouth. 

"Yeah," Spencer whispers, looking down at his lap. He's definitely hard. He wants to squirm in place, wants to buck his hips up and beg Brendon to touch him, but he can't quite get there yet. Spencer wants to get on his knees and swallow Brendon down and feel him against his tongue. He wants Brendon to kiss him and tease him and then fuck him with his tiny little perfect dick. Spencer can't believe how much he wants, sometimes. He went from wanting nothing to wanting _everything_ , absolutely everything that Brendon can give him.

"And you just can't—" Brendon says, and then he pauses and blinks for a moment at Spencer, like he's waking up. "Wait," Brendon says. "Wait. I didn't actually mean to—Maybe we should eat lunch first." 

Spencer snorts. "Good job," he says, but now that ache is settling down into his skin, and he kind of likes the sound of having to wait for a while. He loves the anticipation of it and anyway, now that Brendon's pointed it out, he's really kind of hungry.

"Yeah," Brendon says. He waits for a moment, and then he rolls his eyes, snorting a little as he shakes his head and laughs. "Look at us," he says. "What are we doing?"

Spencer shrugs his shoulders. "Dating, I think. At least—I think that's what we're talking about."

"That and the thing you've got for my dick," Brendon said. He smiles ruefully, and glances down at Spencer's dick. "Can you wait? We could go and get food and then come back here afterwards." He rolls his shoulders, and Spencer's reminded of all the times they've hung out together in the past, how this has shifted from what it was, to what it is now. About how well he knows Brendon, knows his habits and his ticks, and about how he's learning about the stuff Brendon keeps secret, just like Brendon's learning it about him. He is, he thinks, really fucking lucky. 

"Come back here afterwards?" he enquires, raising an eyebrow. "Something you have in mind?"

"I don't know," Brendon says, and he straddles Spencer's lap and cups his face in his hands. "I've got a few ideas."


End file.
